At YNPN we are fortunate to have an awesome Board of Directors that guides and advances the work we do and we couldn’t do it without them! Since they are such a strong support to us and our efforts to build strong nonprofit leaders, we wanted to know about the leaders that supported and shaped their careers. Check out who our board members are honoring with their donation to the #BuildingLeaders campaign and join them in honoring leaders who inspire.Read more
Every day, tens of thousands of YNPN members wake up, go to work, and try to change the world.
I’m sure you are familiar with the old adage, “leaders aren’t born, they are made.” At YNPN we truly believe this! It is the very reason we do what we do. We aim to activate, support and invest in young nonprofit professionals across the country. We are proud to be working with some of the most talented emerging leaders in the sector. And what we have learned through our work over the last 11 years is the best leaders also empower those around them. It actually may be more accurate to say, “leaders aren’t born, they are developed through relationships with other dynamic leaders.”Read more
It is becoming increasing clear that young leaders think, discuss and respond differently than older leaders to issues of equity, diversity and inclusion. These differences need to be acknowledged and more deeply understood in a personal, organization, and political way. Our lived experiences are the result not just of our race, gender, sexual orientation, immigration status, class, age or work status, but the result of the dynamic and sometimes conflicting experiences of the intersection of these identities in our lives and work.Read more
In just a few short days we will be in Little Rock for the YNPN National Conference and Leaders Institute. We are so excited about this year’s content. This could be our best conference yet!
To stay up to date with all the happenings be sure to follow the official hashtag (#ynpn15 of course!) and stay tuned to the YNPN social media channels for all the updates. You can also follow along with our official #ynpn15 Social Media Ambassadors. These tech savvy YNPNers will be sharing all things #ynpn15, so you won’t miss a thing. So get to know our fabulous team and get ready for #ynpn15!
I’ve been wrestling with the term of “self-care” since my YNPN fellowship, trying to broaden this care conversation from “self” to “collective” and from “independent” to “interdependent”. What I’ve learned: caring for myself – especially as I care for others – is absolutely vital. And, I can’t go it alone.
If I know one thing deep in the core of my being, it’s the miracle and importance of interdependence. Growing up in a diverse community where folks shared life’s ups and downs together, I became aware that I was not alone in facing challenges – whatever they may be. No matter what I’m struggling with, there are folks out there who can relate and/or support me, and there’s much I can do to identify and reach out to them. That truth has helped me through many difficult moments, and I try to convey it with others who might be struggling.
For me, so many things comes back to relationships: whether it’s developing leaders, building projects and campaigns, and making meaning in the world. My self-care and my effectiveness as a leader have been absolutely dependent on relationships with others: with mentors, caretakers, colleagues, and loved ones. My relationships hold me accountable to my goals, and support me when I have trouble caring for myself.
Accountability Partners Though I’m aware of my needs and goals, I’m more likely to take action and build positive habits when I’m not “going it alone”. That’s especially true if I’m struggling with discouraging thoughts, like “I’m too busy for self care” (oh, the irony!) or “I feel so overwhelmed with ________________.” It helps to have folks beyond my own internal dialogue who can reinforce positive thinking, remind me of my commitments and the values they’re built on, and encourage me to draw on my resources and abilities to face challenging situations.
Most of my relationships happen and evolve informally, but some have been more intentional and structured. I consider those folks accountability partners. Here are a few examples:
- Ellen and I met through a training program for activists and community organizers. We found several mutual interests, including healing the emotional wounds of injustice. In recent years, we’ve coached each other on issues ranging from personal and professional development to financial management.
- My college roommate Michelle and I served as Peer Career Advisors together: we both sought out opportunities to develop our own and others’ leadership. Throughout our careers, we’ve returned to that peer counseling model – strategizing about challenging work scenarios, prepping one another for interviews, and more.
- Katy and I were paired up for an exercise at a spiritual retreat, and have stayed in touch through a structured prayer practice. To use secular language: these conversations help us interrupt the hecticness of our day-to-day lives, refocus on our deepest values and intentions, and think more abundantly about what’s positive and possible in our lives, and in the wider world.
Three things that have made these accountability partnerships successful:
1. Create some kind of structure, and vary / adopt it as needed. I have mixed feelings about structuring my life: for example, I prefer setting my own varied work hours over keeping a rigid, standardized work schedule. With accountability partners, though, I’ve found that structure and regularity take our peer support to a new level. Structuring our time – flexibly so – also helps me stay connected with accountability partners across time zones and overlapping schedules.
For example, Katy and I have brief, structured check-in calls using the same format, even timing ourselves if needed. We each respond to the same basic question/s about how we’re doing and what we’re noticing in our lives, and reflect back what we’ve heard from each other. This helps us “go deep” quickly and make the most our limited time together.
Meanwhile, Ellen and I carve out chunks of time to connect, and then assess what kind of peer support we need most in that moment: We might want to chat most of the time, taking turns sharing updates or asking for feedback. Or we might want a quiet “work session” in which we tackle particular tasks side by side (whether in person or via video chat). Or if we’re in need of a particular self care activity and/or some time alone, we adjust our plan and make that a priority.
2. Connect with people both within and beyond your “usual circles.” Much of my professional and personal network is in the non-profit sector, which is wonderful for finding allies and mentors who understand what those leaders and organizations do day-to-day. At the same time, I’m glad to be connected to folks like Michelle, who’s worked almost entirely in for-profit settings.
Our interchange helps me think bigger than my own current context: about the issues that leaders face across industries and sectors, and about strategies and solutions for common challenges that translate into a variety of work settings.
Connecting ongoingly with someone outside the nonprofit world has also helped me understand the particularities of the sector: for example, the unique challenges nonprofits face in building and sustaining resilient leaders and organizations.
3. Interrupt “normal” working culture and share self care space with each other. One of my mentors, Paul, and I used to have walking meetings in a quiet hillside park. After a while, those walks became part of my muscle memory. As Paul and I talked and walked, my mind would slow down, and I’d gradually become present to the beautiful nature around me.
One time – I was running an intense political campaign, no doubt neglecting my self-care in the process – we paused atop the hill, overlooking the San Francisco Bay. I marveled at the contrast between the speed of the noisy cars and trucks and ships below, and that of the peaceful birds and trees right around us. Seeing that the world would continue moving along without me as I took some time to breathe in nature and sort my thoughts was a powerful, needed reminder that self care was not only needed, but possible within the intense pace of my work life.
Moving forward YNPN is built on a sense of mutuality: creating a movement with multiple avenues for people – in this case, young social change leaders – to both give and receive support, and witness each other’s growth and transformation. If you’re looking for an accountability partner, your local YNPN chapter – or even national resources, like the YNPN conference or LaunchPad program might have what you’re looking for. Or, think of relationships you already have in your life – with friends, relatives, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, or other community members. How you might more formally, intentionally leverage those relationships for your mutual benefit? What kind of personal or professional development goals could you move toward with support from others (while offering, in turn, the support they may need)? What kind of self care – and moreover, community care – is possible when we don’t “go it alone”?
Betty Jeanne Rueters-Ward, a former YNPN national fellow, is a social change practitioner whose work has included ministry, community organizing, public speaking, writing, coaching, teaching/training, fundraising, program management, and more. Betty Jeanne drives social change through capacity building and by developing effective, sustainable leaders of all ages, with the goal of activating people, organizations and communities in pursuit of the common good. More on her work can be found on LinkedIn and in a recent interview by her seminary.
In seeking to bring forth your best self to your work, you must create and prioritize space and time to recharge through intentional, quality self-care. This is fundamental to us helping our organizations meet their goals. While the application of self-care varies from person to person, I hope that below you might find some helpful tips to evaluate, practice, and prioritize self-care to guide you in enhancing your practice of this critical art of sustainability.
Determine you current priorities in life, and evaluate your need for change. Time is a resource we’ll never get back; so, think critically about how you are spending your time. What percentage of your time do you spend on relationships with family and friends? How much time do you devote to your spirituality, traditions, culture, customs, and intellectual pursuits? How much time are you devoting towards work (think about the time beyond work hours you spend working on assignments or thinking about work)? What, if any, time do you devote towards you?
Map out, table, or chart the distribution of your time. Then, evaluate the areas where you’d like to increase your time spent and the areas you’d like to devote less time towards. Acknowledging this is the first step towards selecting self-care practices that truly sustain you.
Know your self-care love language. I’ve recently become introduced to love languages (feel free to take the test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). While love languages focus primarily on romantic partnerships, it is helpful to consider the relationships we pursue with ourselves similarly. Test yourself, stop to think about the times you feel you’ve treated yourself well, and identify characteristics about those moments that you can replicate in your regular practice of self-care.
Was it quality time with friends or nature? How about the physical touch of a masseuse? And who doesn’t enjoy gifting themselves gifts through a little retail therapy from time to time? Find out what makes you feel loved and supported, and participate regularly in those acts. Once you understand more about the type of characteristics you respond well to, branch out to new practices of self-care that share some of those characteristics.
Mark your schedule for self-care. Treat self-care like a weekly one-on-one check-in with yourself, and do not skip out on it. It is as important as all the other, countless meetings you may find yourself in throughout the week. Additionally, most of our nonprofit sector jobs have their peaks and valleys when it comes to workload. When you can anticipate the high-intensity peak times, make sure you schedule in some necessary self-care time before, during, and after these occasions.
CC image courtesy of AlisaRyan via Flicker
Group-care with others. I wrote about this in a previous blog for the Black Youth Project. You are not alone in this work. Building strong relationships is key to the work and your sustainability within it. The strongest act of self-care is opening yourself up to others and being transparent—be it with a group of friends, family, or a professional.
It doesn’t only take a village to get you from child to adult, but it also takes a village to sustain you. Group-care means that you are truly and actively sustaining yourself in the work; and, by engaging in group-care practices, you build up a wall of protection for challenging times that you alone cannot handle. Building people power makes for your own well-being. Talk to people, share your concerns and hopes with confidants, and speak truth to those around you that you can trust.
Reduce negative coping strategies. Self-care isn’t a one-size-fits-all practice, so some things that may be negative coping strategies for you might be positive or neutral for others. Simply think about your goals in self-care, and if a certain activity makes it more difficult for you to reach them, consider limiting the time you spend participating in it. Through my experience as a program manager of a national youth leadership development non-profit program, my effectiveness in my role increases depending on the quality of self-care I practice on a regular basis. I encourage you to continue the practices of self-care that work for you, try new ones, and firmly make self-care a priority in your life. In doing so, the work will move forward more fluidly.
Marion Andrew Humphrey, Jr. (@humphreymarion) currently serves as the Fellowship Program Manager at Young People For (YP4), a program with People For the American Way Foundation. Each year, YP4 supports 150 diverse young people across the country to effect sustainable social change in their communities. Andrew resides in Washington, DC, hails from Little Rock, AR, and is a 2010 graduate of Davidson College in North Carolina. After graduation, Andrew moved to Beijing, China and worked as a college counselor and SAT prep coach for Chinese natives seeking admission into the U.S. college system. In 2012, Andrew returned to North Carolina as a Deputy Field Organizer for Organizing for America, through which he continued his advocacy for inclusive, progressive policies, and institutions that honor the diversity and autonomy of our nation’s communities. He spends his time playing tennis, singing oldies at karaoke, and organizing with young community members in DC’s chapter of BYP100.
I'm not here to convince you why self-care is important.
Because I think you already know. You know that if you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to help anyone else. Put your flight mask on first, and then help others. It's just that simple.
You also know that as advocates and do-gooders, we are the worst culprits of not taking care of ourselves. We slap on that “martyr” sticker and give everything we have to others even when it feels like we have nothing left to give. And then, fatigue and burnout ensue.
So, we're not going to spend any more time on the why.
Rather, I am much more interested in talking about what actually makes it so hard to practice that self-care all the time.
You know you should take a break, set a boundary, go to sleep earlier, get to that yoga class, or eat something that isn't a carb. Your head knows it.
But sometimes it feels like there is about 10,000 miles between what you know you should do and what you actually feel capable of doing.
This is what I like to call the "Self-Care Double Bind," and it's a sneaky little trickster.
The Self-Care Double Bind is the running feedback loop that tells you to "take care of yourself" in x, y, or z ways, and then makes you feel terrible and guilty when you aren't able to do it.
For example, here's a narrative that I hear from clients pretty frequently:
"I really should get to that meditation class today. I know that it will make me feel calm and centered. Today is busy but I have to put myself first, right?! Right!”
Cut to later in the day:
"I didn't get to the class. I must not be trying hard enough to take care of myself. It’s my own fault that I feel so exhausted and scattered."
Now, your narrative might not sound exactly like that one, but I bet that a lot of you have similar rolling thoughts, keeping you feeling like some kind of failure, or guilty for not "doing something right” or "being enough" in some way.
That is the Double Bind. And it is anything but a true expression of compassion.
Especially right now, as the events in Baltimore are unfolding and crowds are rightfully taking to the streets, the last thing any activist needs is to question their commitment to their own livelihood. Our drive to stay alive is, in fact, sometimes the only thing we have.
So, what would it look like if you pulled yourself out from that tangled Double Bind?
Well, I like to call that process: self-love.
If "self-care" is your nagging neighbor who is always ready to pounce with judgment, then self-love is your sweet dog who thinks you are the best person in the world know matter what.
Self-love is the lifelong journey that all of us are on.
With every decision you make, every relationship you start or end, even with every fight with a co-worker or with your mom, you are learning something new about what does or doesn't work for you.
And that process—that sticky, gooey, sometimes yummy process—of learning how to do more of what works, and less of what doesn’t, is self-love. And, it’s the key to feeling the alignment and contentment that we all crave.
Self-love might mean taking that long hot bath or showing up at that meditation class. But, it could also mean forgoing both of those things when what you really want to do is misbehave a bit or throw a tantrum for a few minutes. Self-love will remind you that it's all okay.
So as a starting point for getting untangled from that self-care bind, I invite you to ask yourself the following question:
What do I need in this moment?
Whatever the answer, accept it and follow it.
Following through on your core instincts and desires is what leads to a deeper understanding of yourself, and how to find your way back to that center at any moment.
And when you find yourself getting down on yourself, the broken-record of shame starts playing, or you’re heading towards burnout, tune in and ask “what do I need in this moment?”
Your mind, body, and soul will all thank you.
Alicia Jay is a certified transformational coach and the principal of Rabble Up (www.rabbleup.com), a coaching practice designed to help emerging leaders in the social change sector find sustainability and alignment in their careers and lives. She is also the Managing Director of Make It Work, a national campaign promoting economic security for women and families. With a background in leadership development, philanthropy, and gender justice, she has a deep understanding of how being an activist on behalf of others doesn’t always translate to advocating for your own needs, as well. She is out to change that.
We came to this work with a simple goal in mind: create social change.
Unfortunately, social change is not easy to bring about. The hours are long, the pay is little, and some days it can feel like time, energy and passion are being wasted. So we push ourselves further - staying later, working weekends, and never slowing down. After all the cause is noble, and sleep is a luxury we can’t afford. But sooner or later our “honorable” self-sacrifice catches up to us and we are left feeling exhausted and burnt-out.
But this is not the way it is meant to be! Somewhere between young idealistic intern and martyr for the cause we lost sight of a very important thing, self-care. Self-care is intentionally taking time to attend to our physical, mental, social, and spiritual needs. Despite popular belief, it isn’t selfish to make our own needs a priority. In fact it makes us better at our work! Like any flight attendant would tell you, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can think about helping someone else.
As simple as caring for ourselves sounds (I mean, who could know our needs better?), it is a task that eludes many of us. The concept is great, but how to we translate it into practice? After all, the emails won’t stop just because we decide to go to a yoga class.
CC Image Courtesy of Mike Rastiello via Flickr
It begins with intentionality. We have to be aware of our needs and ready to implement new strategies to meet those needs on a consistent basis. And it can start small. Perhaps with a commitment to go the gym 3 times a week, not check your emails on the weekend, or go to bed at a decent time each night (and actually sleep, not lay in bed and browse Pinterest). It will look different for each person but making a commitment to start is an important first step.
And remember self-care is a process. You won’t get it right all the time and that is ok! There will be times when it comes easy and times when it is hard. Have grace with yourself and stay devoted to finding balance.
And that is exactly what we at YNPN are committing to this May. Together we will explore what it means to practice self-care and provide practical tips to help keep your work and life in balance. And we want to hear from you! Follow the conversation at #npbalance and let us know how you make self-care a priority. The ultimate goal is still social change - we just have to start with ourselves to achieve it!
The other day I was reading about a social sector initiative that aims to accomplish its goal of solving an intractable social problem by 2020. I immediately thought to myself, “Sure, anything’s possible in the distant future!” Then I realized that 2020 is actually not so distant. In fact, I probably have canned foods in my cabinet that expire around that time.
Aside from forgetting what year it is, when it comes to the future we often assume, like I did, that anything is possible. And we take for granted that it will be accomplished in some mysterious way that we don’t understand now but surely will by the time we’re using our Apple watches to remote start our hovercrafts (which everyone has, because poverty has been eradicated!)
It’s somewhat understandable that we often take this approach; many of us are so busy working to eradicate poverty and any number of injustices in our day-to-day work that we don’t often have the time to lift our heads up and think about what our work will look like in 2040 and what will happen between now and then.
One organization that is doing that thinking is Independent Sector, a network for nonprofit and philanthropic organizations. Recently they’ve been convening a series of events across the country to start a dialogue about the challenges and opportunities that will define the social sector and our work in the next twenty years.
They’re calling these conversations Threads, and chances are that one of these events is coming soon to a town near you. I recently had the opportunity to attend their Threads event in New York where we had the opportunity to provide feedback on their work and discuss how we see the sector and the context we work in changing over the next two decades.
With the input of their members and other stakeholders, IS has identified nine trends that will affect the social sector in profound ways. They are:
- Disruption from inequality and environmental degradation
- Greater ethnic diversity and new generations of leadership
- Technology transforming learning, gathering, and associations
- Swarms of individuals connecting with institutions
- Business becoming increasingly engaged in social and environmental issues
- New models for social welfare and social change
- Uncertainty: Will there be a resurgence of the public’s voice in policymaking?
- Uncertainty: Will the primary focus for policy development be at the local or national level?
- Uncertainty: How will government balance competing priorities and revenue pressures?
To learn more about how they see these forces playing out, you’ll have to check out their reports and resources that explore these trends further. I recommend spending some time thinking about where you’ve observed these forces and how you see them affecting your work.
Have you noticed leaderful movements like Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter swarming institutions and applying pressure for social change? Did you know that many young people believe that businesses are more effective at making social change than nonprofit organizations are? Where have you seen young leaders stepping up and bringing new models of leadership to the sector?
We at YNPN would love to hear your thoughts about the future of the sector, and we know our friends at IS would as well. Tweet at @ynpn & @IndSector and tell us what you think about these trends and the future of the sector.